dream

i had a dream

dream of him

his hug

so tight

so real

and why is it just a dream

when awake

there's tears all over my face

i dont want dream

i want you

KL again~

hey guys
i'm back to KL again
starting my 2nd week of my 2nd semester
last week have an overview of all my subjects
and the first thing pop up my mind is that

~shit..! damn hard weh..! i'm sure i can't make it!~

but i got no choice
the only thing i can do is to work hard
i only have to stand this situation for 6 months more
then i'll be free
free from these subjects
free from some kind of friend
free from some kind of prob
free from some kind of tense situation
and free from many many other things


how to be free?
only a way
leave
leave to a place where no one knows you
leave to a place where you know no one
and start a very new life with just a person
and that only person will be my SISTER
yeah yeah...damn miss her now
so sad that have to wait for another half year only get to meet with her
sister..wait for me..i'll be there soon

was having a nap just now
suddenly heard the song 'ai mei' by rainnie
that's the song that woke me
that's the song that he used to sing to me
that's the song that send me to my dream almost every night
you know
i miss you
you'll never know
that i'm missing you every second
you know how sad am i when i still have to pretend in front of both of you
you know how hurt am i when i found out some lies behind
you know how i always mistaken sweetheart as gong
do you know how many times has that happened
do you know.......
i know you won't know
it's ok
heart

i dont know how to face you
i really got no idea how i will be when i see you the next time
can i still be like the same
putting up a smiling face

i found out many thing different from what i see and what i heard
i dont know others found out or not
but i just found out
maybe i'm the one thinking too much
i shouldn't take this so serious

you need someone
i know
but cant it be another someone?
why must it be someone that i mind?
i know you have lots of friend
and why must it be the someone?
i'm selfish..but do you think you're not?
maybe you think you aren't
you're just getting what you deserve
and letting go what you don't deserve
and maybe i'm the one getting jealous
i jealous i get everything when i lost everything
i jealous
so what
that's what a normal person should be
i might be a bit over in this case
but you couldn't blame on me
if you put this situation on you
you'll know how it feels
and how it hurts

trust

not updating my blog for so long..
so sorry..
been down to sick for almost a week..
im having serious flu and cough..
fever also come on and off...
pity me..
after consult doctor more dead..
cough more flu more..
aiks..
was wondering the ability of the doctor..
hahaha..

yea..am not in a good mood again..
found out something rediculous..
found out that i've trusted the wrong person..
found out that that person did many things behind me..
without i knowing anything..
and that another person knows everything..
but never tell me anything also..
luckily there's another person tell me everthing..
i love the thirst person most..

hmm..you all must have get confused..
but i just cant say much in here..
i just not syok..
i dont know why the 1st person did all these..
i really dont understand..
and i encourage myself to get the comfirmation from the 2nd person..
and the 2nd person admitted everything..
yea...im down..
but i still act like im nothing..
i feel myself very fake..
i dont know why..
i just know that i cant treat a friend this way..
and yea...i'll just try to forget about everything..
trying to......

hey guys..
just wanna make clear something..
sweetheart isn't my new bf..
he's not..
he's just a closer friend of mine..
don't ever misunderstand our relationship..!!!!

JUST A FRIEND!!!!!!!!

he still need to kau lui la..
don't ruin his life..!
hahahaha...

bIrThdAy pArtY

Last night,
i went rum jungle with my friends to celebrate Szu Mun's birthday...
she's so pretty that nice..
her dress is just so nice..I LOVE IT!!!!

so we reach there by 7 something..
and we leave by 12 something..
that's the first time i gone out till so late with my friends..
after we leave, we went yum cha at Brown's Cafe with Yin's and her friends..
nothing much to say..
but i did post some photos..
i really enjoy the night..!!!!
thanks guys..!!!
love ya much..!!!

contact lense gone???

birthday girl, Szu Mun..

stezon, shir, yen, ngan, sian and me..

haha...love them!

that's yen and i, she's so red after the drink!

why is the wind so strong??

yin and me

we basically reach home by 2.30am..that's late...but it was fun!!!!

and i...lost my voice...sad!!! =(

results day

i was so nervous since i wake up..
results is coming out today..
scared le..luckily my results not that bad la..
hahaha..

then the most interesting part of today is..
i went out with sweetheart again..
at 10pm..i ask him out as i really damn sien le..
once he get into the care then he says 'happy birthday'..
haha..yea..is my lunar birthday..
he's just so sweet..then i ask for present..
haha..tak malu one..
he says will prepare it on my birthday on August..
haha...

i love talking to him..
coz always he's the one talking, i'm the one listening..
feel relax when chat with him as really no pressure at all.
he's just so nice..
till i dont really care about my image and all that..
hahaha...

yesterday finally know something about his family.
he's 'guong dong' people..just the same as me..
somemore is from 'pun yu'..haha..exactly the same as me..!!!
he also know something from me...
but he promise to keep it private and confidential..!!
i trust him..he wont betray me..hahahaha...

why i keep on talking bout him ar...
confuse le..
just feel relieve that i found something that can make me a bit relax..
and most importantly..he willing to accompany me..
haha..hope that our friendship wont get into bad situation le..
hope to stay is this situation forever..

till then...have a good day friends...
muacks..

sweetheart

hey guys,
i need a sweetheart
coz he just came in time
and he knows what i needed most
he accompany me whenever i need someone
he did something that comfort me
he makes me laugh
he makes me understand how life should go on
he makes me feel that life isn't that grey without another person

he help me to pass my time when im boring
he help me to cover my loneliness
he brought happiness to avoid my sadness
he seems to be understand me more than i do
i really treat him as a friend
just a friend that fulfill my need
i love him..
i really do..
but just in the sense of friendship
and i might be relying on him
coz as you all know..
i just cant be that independant that you all see now..
it's a fake cover..that hiding the true self of me..

friend...doesn't mean that i'm not concern bout you all
i know you all are busy
and i also feel bad to find you all so often
yea..i never sound out when im down..
i never sound out coz i really feel a big big gap between you and me..
sometime i'll rather keep quite during our conversation..
coz i feel im far away from you all and i dont know what to say..
maybe that's my problem..
and i need some time to cope with it.
i know it might not be the same as your view..
but i just needed time..
all i need is....time...
thanks a lot friends for all the caring and love for the past..
i love you all lots too..
believe me and give me some time to adapt..
thanks
muacks..

an enjoyable night

yesterday, means monday,
was really a very very very boring day,
early in the morning,
after having breakfast with my parent and my sister,
we sent my sister to school.
that's around 10 am.


then we went post office,
waiting for my dad to get the dont know what road tax thingy,
i've waited for almost an hour..!
i hate waiting!!
then...suddenly...my mum say, "oh no, my postbox is expired!"
anyone have any idea bout what postbox is that???
suppose is passport!! me and my dad laugh like mad in the post office!
haha...what a funny phrase i got!


then..we went to the immigration to renew my mum's passport..
ok..we waited for another 3 hours!!
oh god...i really really hate waiting!!!
then we went chemor for lunch..
eh..not that delicious as i expected..
then we went back to collect the passport
again waiting!!!!
then we go home..
start to rain around 4 something..
hmm..not heavy..but..makes me feel so so so sleepy..
then..time passes so slow..
i am waiting to meet my sweetheart..
and that 2 hours really passes so so so slow.
hahahaha..

finally, 7 o'clock reach!!!
yippie...going out..!!!
haha..
so i went to fetch him from his house!
the whole journey we're just asking where to go and what to eat..
haha...he never make decision..always ask me to decide..
then..after a long time..we decided to have sushi..
but then..another question pop out..
which sushi king should we go?
the parade one or jusco one??
hahaha...so...after long time again..we decide to go jusco..
kekeke....
then..we talk talk talk talk talk non stop till reaches jusco..
then we got down..
we only share 1 unagi set!!!
i'm sure he's not full..but he's not eating anything else..
haha..pity him..!!!
then we decide to watch movie..
oh goosh...is already 9.10pm..
then..we headed to the cinema and check out what to watch..
around that time, there's only 2 choices,
hell boy or journey to centre of the earth..
then............he chose...the journey..
haha..then wth...such a long time never watch movie in a cinema..
never notice the ticket is so damn expensive already..
luckily not i'm the one paying!!!!=P
the movie was nice!!! great choice!! i love the movie!!!
the movie is only 1 and a half hour..
so the movie ended around 11...
then we went for supper at old town kopitiam nearby..
then..we share a bowl of 'gei si hor fun' and a single peanut butter toast..!
wow..damn full..haha..he never let me not to eat..so sad..!!!
i'm getting fatter already!!!help me!!!

after that i sent him home,
is about 12.30am..
and i reach home by 12.45am..
hoho...my mum was waiting for me..
luckily she never scold me..
is the first time i go out so late with friend..
and is also the first time i'm going out alone with only a guy!!
haha..
thank you sweetheart for everything!!!
had an enjoyable night!!!

it's a sunday

i didn't update my blog last night
is not because of lazyness
but..i was watching movies with my parents the whole night
haha
and..they're watching horror movie
i was hiding behind my bolster whole night
and about 12am, i beg my sister to go to bed with me
i'm just so scared!
hahaha..ashame to tell that!

i had a dream last night
and when i wake up,
my face was full of tears,
i cant remember a single scene from the dream,
but the only thing i know is...
he was in my dream..!!!

this morning,
my father brought us to Penang,
just for the food
haha
so we went for laksa, pasembur, friend sotong..and lots more
im full today, never ate so full with such a good mood.
i have a happy day!

after back to Ipoh, i online,
yea..i chatted with my sister, carissa
my dear, sook foon,
and my sweetheart, someone i cannot tell
hahaha..
i love chatting with sweetheart..
he's just so sweet, so caring..hopefully i wont fall for him one day..
hahaha..
i'm looking forward to go out with him tomorrow..
hahaha...
dont know how it will be when there's only me and him,
hope there's no 'cold situation' happening!!
haha
till then...good night..
miss sweetheart.....

muacksss

what is friend?

friends
seems not only i'm the one having problem
the whole gang of us is having problem
the same problem

friends
is someone that understand everything without telling out everything
understanding is a very important ingredient in maintaining our friendship
we were once 7 years old
that is when we start to meet each other
we were once 14 years old
that is when we really get to know each other more in detail
we were once 16 and 17 years old
that is when we hang out all the time and had lots of fun together

we might have some misunderstanding
we might have some communication problem
we might have some argument for some small small matter
we might not syok each other's personality
we might not always be together
as we been together for so long
we know much enough that will lead to some arguments
just because we know too well about each other
that makes us sometimes feel uncomfortable with what we did
as time passes, people tend to change voluntarily or involuntarily
we might not know that we ownself have changed
but those beside us will realise the changes among us
they might not sound out
but this will somehow make them feel uneasy

friends
just as a reminder
we, as best friend, will never keep any unhappiness in our heart
how unhappy we are, in a night, everything will be wipe off
anything happened, anything changed, we're still friend, still the best of my friend
i'm not sure whether you get what i mean
because my blog is kinda messy
got lots that i wanted to say
but i just dont know how to express it out
i hope you all know what i mean
i just..........
praying hard for it that our friendship will never get affected by any other small matter
no matter where we are
no matter who we're with
no matter how we become in the future
no counting on financial status
no counting on position status
we're still the same
we're still the best friend
ever...and ever.

Sian, Shir, Yen, Yin....
you all should know what i'm saying
right?
i just wanted to say....
i love you all
i mean it
i love you all so much!!!!
muacks!!!!

暗恋

奇怪
怎么突然间回到了暗恋的感觉
还记得以前
每当一见到你, 都会脸红心跳，
昨天, 今天, 一样如此，
到底是怎么回事
虽然只是从远处仰望
但却感觉如此真实
这特别的感觉
应该不会很容易的飘走吧

我恨我自己曾经与你争吵，
我恨我自己曾经为了小事而吃醋，
我恨我自己从不了解你，
我恨我自己从没给过你一丁点的快乐，
但是现在，
我只能爱上这些恨，
因为那是我们唯一的回忆
我们所经历的一切已成了回忆
这些回忆必定是我一生难忘的回忆
谢谢你的大量与你那曾经如此坚定的爱

‘分开是为了等待重逢’
我相信这一句话
我相信，这一次的分开，必定有重逢的一天，
虽然我不懂要等多久，
但我相信并不遥远
问题是，
这是一个值得等待的重逢吗?
重逢的那一天，会是我想象那样吗?
还是完全出乎与我的意料呢?
我很好奇，
但我害怕想象!

这几天，我一直在问我妈，也一直在问我自己，
我的未来到底会是怎么样呢?
为什么我无法想象我自己的未来，
但他却如此确定我的未来是如何?
难道他真的比我还要了解我自己?
以前只会想象与他未来的二人世界，
但他却以我未来为重
可能这会是我愚蠢和幼稚的想法，
但我真的希望他完全不理会我的未来，
只是开心的陪我走过生命中的每一个阶段

这些也只能是我自己的想法，
毕竟已成了定局，
我无法挽回，
也只能珍惜那遥远仰望的时刻

我从未想过，
他能如此的残忍，
说出这么多狠话，
也许他也是为了我好，
也许他有他自己的苦衷，

我相信他，
他不会是那么狠心的人，
他一定会回来的!

很傻吗?
就把它当成我的生活乐趣吧!
在此希望他能实现他的梦想，
而我能得到一个值得等待的重逢!

expectation

it is all against my expectation
i never expect that i really told out everything i wanted so much to tell
i never expect to see something so unexpectedly
i never expect to hear something so unexpectedly
today is just everything out of my control
everything is all against my expectation
why is it so?
am i the one being blur?
or...
am i the one...i dont know how to say..
and it's just...
i'm just...


i really dont know what am i saying at all
and...all the thing i hope is..
everything will be back to normal by tomorrow

sorry friend that i never contact you much since the holiday starts
you know im what kind of friend
and i think you should know my personality
it may disappoint you
but this is me
and this is how i will be in the future

dont ask me anything about this
i'm just who i am
i want to act as how i wish
and i dont want to be anyone's special or anyone's burden
leave me alone
this will benefit me..and definitely benefit you!

selfishness

when someone selfish, met with another selfish person,
the output will be a very negative ending

i dont know the selfish one is me or him
i dont care
as i just dont want to care
he's escaping
i'm chasing
and its like
i'm a loser
he's going to be very successful in the future
*that's what i hope he'll turn to in the future*


i'm the stupiest
that only think for my own
that only force something to happen
that only make myself suffer
all the time
not he's the one hurting me
but i'm the one hurting myself
can't deny
i'm stupid!


what more i can say?
the only thing i can say is...i'll be waiting..

*i had a hug..that comfort me..

a smile that melts my heart

haha..
did i update my blog yesterday?
yes..i think i did..
i'll never forget to express out my happiness and my sadness..
later i'll show you some pictures of yesterday..

let's talk about today..
i woke up around 5..and its SUNDAY!
we went for international run in stadium perak today
wow..amazing..is full of people in the stadium this morning.
and of coz i saw the one that i expected and longing to see..
hahahahaha...i'm happy that he looked, and talked to me
hahahahaha...
ok..calming down..
erm...and then..basically..
i manage to complete my 5km run!!!!!
i can do it man..
after the run, we went for breakfast..
and..he was there..
i saw..and i saw something else that i hate to see..
but..anyway..he made my day bright today..
just a smile..a simple smile that light up my day!!
thank you so much..
and i promised..no matter how you treat me..
i'll never complain anymore as im just no one to you..
but im sure..i wont treat you bad..
i slept for another 4 hours today
i found that im easily tired these few days..
and once i get the chance to take nap..
it'll be more than 3 hours..
oh no..what's happening to me..!!!


i think that's all for today..
and i wont be forgetting the smile..that melts me..
hahahaha...till then..muacks!

hoho...5 of us..i look weird in anyway...

my dearest ngan..backed from UK..and she's extremely sexy!

haha..we took this in the morning 6 something in the stadium, before the run starts..

i love this pic..it looks fake!

this pic was taken this morning after the run...me and yin...

welcome back!

yeah..
finally they're back.
i love to see all my friends coming back from all over the world..
from UK, from Aus, from...i dont know wherelse..
i just love to see them coming back!!!

NGAN...!!!!!!!!
i miss you for the whole year..!!!
i love you much!!!
happy to see you today..
i just trying so hard to tahan my tears when i hugged you!
i just really miss you so much..!

hmm....FINALLY..
we have the chance to take a wonderful photo with none of our absence..!
i love it..!
i love it..!
although there are 2 not so related ppl..
but they'll soon be related..

ok..i'm down whole day.
sorry to let you all noticed..
i just tired to hide it..
yea..
i'm unhappy..
i never been happy since 4th of december..
i think you all know what date was date..
i never been happy since that day..

one reason is coz..
i'm going to leave soon..
and the soon will be very soon..

another reason..
a secret..
no one knows about that..
i'll keep it between me...and myself..

happy day..but with a down mood..
ends here..

sTraNgeR

分手后不能做朋友
因为彼此伤害过
不能做敌人
因为彼此深爱过
所以只能说是
最熟悉的陌生人

thanks shir for this mms
i love this phrase
thanks for your comfort
i'm feeling better now


yea..i really cannot stand the feeling of hate
it is just so suffering
i've been selfish..been childish..
shouldn't be treating a friend this way..
i know...i've been the stupiest person for somewhile


i wont be hating you anymore
coz i really cant stand to be hating you
the hate still cannot cover the love inside
you wont be feeling that and you wont be seeing that
i wont be putting hope in our future
but i wont be starting any relationship now
i wont be purposely letting go of you
i wont be purposely forgetting you
thank you for being forgiving
thank you that you never put those word in heart
i really doesnt mean it when i say i hate you
i'm sure you know that
you know that better than me
but then....
we still wont be having a future
i mean..a future together


i wish..you'll have a bright future
get to fulfill your dream
and please do keep the album carefully
thank you so much

.heart.

memories...

finally, one paper left..
malaysian studies..
i dont think so there's anyone aiming for high score for this particular subject.
all just aiming for a pass..
cheer guys..you all can do it..
hahaha..seems like im the one in trouble for passing this sub..
anyway..i'll just take it easy..
coz...i really dont like HISTORY!!!


so today's paper-Econ
overall..not bad..
i know how to answer
but my answer can help me to score or not is another matter
have to say sorry to mum that i have a feeling that my results for final wont be good
thanks that you never expect high from me!
hahaha


tomorrow after the last paper,
i'll be going back to ipoh again..
sorry friends that i cannot go for that trip..
seems so potong steam..
SORRY!


Sian,
dont feel leftout
im serious
you're always being cared by other but you didn't notice
you're busy with something but you never been leftout
i miss you
i love you

and i CARE you
im not joking


Yen,
i seems chat less with you nowdays
maybe coz my exam
maybe coz your busy
and maybe coz no topic among us
but anyhow
i still love you
and i miss you
muacks!


Yin,
you find me today?
but you never reply me after that..
is there anything i can help?
i miss you the most.
dont only see chyi
see me more
hahaha...love to tease you..
but i know you know i care you lots as well right??
all the best in everything Yin.
muacks.


Shir,
ok..you..
the least i care
haha..
not that i dont care
is a dont have the chance to care
you used to be missing in action
haha
and i dont care
i want to see you this saturday
I DONT CARE!

hmm..suddenly miss last time so much
5 of us..
not including 2 people more..
means...7 of us..
happy time together
hope to be as innocent as last time
when we can be as crazy as we want
and laugh out as loud as we like
IN PUBLIC

seriously...i miss you all damn much
heard ppl says we'll be going through the same thing in 2500 years time
but in different environment
if it is true,
im looking forward to that...
and i really wish to have those happy moments to stay with me all the time.

I LOVE SIAN
I LOVE YIN
I LOVE SHIR
I LOVE YEN
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

econs

OMG...
cant believe that i couldn't sleep
it is such a weird night that i couldn't sleep at all
as you know..usually..no matter how..i'll still sleep..
but last night i couldn't sleep at all

all those EOS DOS diminishing return pop out my mind whenever i close my eyes
oh god..it is just so terrible...

i manage to sleep around 4am..
thank god..
but the prob is..i woke at 5am..
what the.....
now 6 something
waiting time pass to go coll
scary econs

anyway..i started to feel sleepy now
hopefully i wont fall asleep in the exam hall later..


till then..wish me luck!!!!!

bMa

today is just so not in mood



my BMA gone




sobx.......



*tomorrow econs..another dying sub...

sIck

i love to be sick when you're with me






i hate to be sick now when i'm always alone




i.miss.G