words represent expression

relink please

2008-08-18T15:15:00.002+08:00

hey guys..
there's another blog of mine.
i might update there more often then this..
relink please..

http://melissa-anotherwolrldofmine.blogspot.com/

thank you..!!!

2008-08-07T21:04:00.002+08:00

6-august
it's my birthday..
yea..celebrated in advance..
but this is the first time my family and my best buddy wasnt't by my side on my birthday..
and luckily there's someone willing to sacrifice his time and accompanied me the whole night..
thank you so much..
i've not updated my blog for so long as there's nothing much happen these few days..
and..
i've nothing much to talk about..
and oh ya.....

i miss you...!!!!

my birthday

2008-08-03T17:39:00.013+08:00

i seriously love IPOH!
i celebrated my birthday in advance yesterday
let's see what happen last night

early in the morning,
i went out for breakfast and shop for the things that we need for the party,
i plan to have steamboat and bbq fot the night
so we bought a lot of things
have to thank mum and dad for making themselve busy for my party!
love you mum and dad...!!!
then..we do do do do till evening..
shirley came very early,
i haven even bathe when she arrive..hahaha..
so paiseh..
then i go and bath..then they help themselves..
as my house = their house XD

after bathing, all my friends arrive..
eh...i bath so long meh...wondering..!!
haha...
they gave me the present...
hohoho..i love it i love it..
thanks guys..
muacks muacks muacks muacks..
then go eat..play..eat..chat..and...eat..
then they drink...being force by my parents..
so there was a part where my mum pull me over to my friends
she asked them to wish me happy birthday..
and that's what she said

*you all haven wish her happy birthday? have to enjoy tonight as maybe she wont be around next year and you all might not have the chance to have fun like this anymore*

and when i heard that..
i was going to cry..but i wanted to control my tears..
is kinda sad to hear that..
i dont really want to leave....
i ngm sek dek you all...i really tak sampai hati...
friends..must remember me k?
and i promise i'l never forget bout you all...!!!

then we have cake-cutting ceremony
i got 2 cakes..one is from my grandma..
another is from my beloved friends!
chocolate indulgence and chocolate banana..!
i love it...it really taste good..especially the chocolate banana..
is really sweet and taste good..!!!
then..they leave one by one..
hmm..i think i left out many things..
anyway..it doesn't matter..
let see some pictures..

*i got few hundreds of ang pau!!!* *laughing non stop*

all the guests..dad's friend more than my friend...common case in my family!

mummy, me, sis, dad and sum yi(birthday on 1st August)

tada..chocolate indulgence and chocolate banana

szu mun, yin, me, sian, shir and yen

love you guys lots..muacks!!

back row(from left) : ck, sweetheart, soon ken and stezon
front row : szu mun, yin, me, sian, yen and shir

is a SEED purse from my aunty

a bag and a teddy from my friends,

thanks to sian, shir, yin, yen, shu chyi, ck?, kkj?, stezon?, soon ken?
i not sure who actually, anyway..thanks to everyone involve and i appreciate it lots...!!!

a shirt and a card far far from melbourne,

my sister who mail me this...thanks sis..

love.......

this is the invitation card that my sister prepare for me,

but sadly i tak sempat send it out..

thank you to all my friends,
and also my family,
and everyone who came to my party
thanks sian,
thanks yen,
thanks yin and shu chyi,
thanks shir and stezon,
thanks szu mun,
thanks soon ken,
thanks ck( really appreciate)
thanks sweetheart,
thanks for all the gift
thanks for giving me an enjoyable and unforgetable night
thank you

dream

2008-07-28T10:34:00.001+08:00

i had a dream

dream of him

his hug

so tight

so real

and why is it just a dream

when awake

there's tears all over my face

i dont want dream

i want you

KL again~

2008-07-27T19:29:00.002+08:00

hey guys
i'm back to KL again
starting my 2nd week of my 2nd semester
last week have an overview of all my subjects
and the first thing pop up my mind is that

~shit..! damn hard weh..! i'm sure i can't make it!~

but i got no choice
the only thing i can do is to work hard
i only have to stand this situation for 6 months more
then i'll be free
free from these subjects
free from some kind of friend
free from some kind of prob
free from some kind of tense situation
and free from many many other things

how to be free?
only a way
leave
leave to a place where no one knows you
leave to a place where you know no one
and start a very new life with just a person
and that only person will be my SISTER
yeah yeah...damn miss her now
so sad that have to wait for another half year only get to meet with her
sister..wait for me..i'll be there soon

was having a nap just now
suddenly heard the song 'ai mei' by rainnie
that's the song that woke me
that's the song that he used to sing to me
that's the song that send me to my dream almost every night
you know
i miss you
you'll never know
that i'm missing you every second
you know how sad am i when i still have to pretend in front of both of you
you know how hurt am i when i found out some lies behind
you know how i always mistaken sweetheart as gong
do you know how many times has that happened
do you know.......
i know you won't know
it's ok
heart

2008-07-26T21:07:00.004+08:00

i dont know how to face you
i really got no idea how i will be when i see you the next time
can i still be like the same
putting up a smiling face

i found out many thing different from what i see and what i heard
i dont know others found out or not
but i just found out
maybe i'm the one thinking too much
i shouldn't take this so serious

you need someone
i know
but cant it be another someone?
why must it be someone that i mind?
i know you have lots of friend
and why must it be the someone?
i'm selfish..but do you think you're not?
maybe you think you aren't
you're just getting what you deserve
and letting go what you don't deserve
and maybe i'm the one getting jealous
i jealous i get everything when i lost everything
i jealous
so what
that's what a normal person should be
i might be a bit over in this case
but you couldn't blame on me
if you put this situation on you
you'll know how it feels
and how it hurts

trust

2008-07-26T11:05:00.002+08:00

not updating my blog for so long..
so sorry..
been down to sick for almost a week..
im having serious flu and cough..
fever also come on and off...
pity me..
after consult doctor more dead..
cough more flu more..
aiks..
was wondering the ability of the doctor..
hahaha..

yea..am not in a good mood again..
found out something rediculous..
found out that i've trusted the wrong person..
found out that that person did many things behind me..
without i knowing anything..
and that another person knows everything..
but never tell me anything also..
luckily there's another person tell me everthing..
i love the thirst person most..

hmm..you all must have get confused..
but i just cant say much in here..
i just not syok..
i dont know why the 1st person did all these..
i really dont understand..
and i encourage myself to get the comfirmation from the 2nd person..
and the 2nd person admitted everything..
yea...im down..
but i still act like im nothing..
i feel myself very fake..
i dont know why..
i just know that i cant treat a friend this way..
and yea...i'll just try to forget about everything..
trying to......

2008-07-21T23:15:00.001+08:00

hey guys..
just wanna make clear something..
sweetheart isn't my new bf..
he's not..
he's just a closer friend of mine..
don't ever misunderstand our relationship..!!!!

JUST A FRIEND!!!!!!!!

he still need to kau lui la..
don't ruin his life..!
hahahaha...

bIrThdAy pArtY

2008-07-20T17:45:00.004+08:00

Last night,
i went rum jungle with my friends to celebrate Szu Mun's birthday...
she's so pretty that nice..
her dress is just so nice..I LOVE IT!!!!

so we reach there by 7 something..
and we leave by 12 something..
that's the first time i gone out till so late with my friends..
after we leave, we went yum cha at Brown's Cafe with Yin's and her friends..
nothing much to say..
but i did post some photos..
i really enjoy the night..!!!!
thanks guys..!!!
love ya much..!!!

contact lense gone???

birthday girl, Szu Mun..

stezon, shir, yen, ngan, sian and me..

haha...love them!

that's yen and i, she's so red after the drink!

why is the wind so strong??

yin and me

we basically reach home by 2.30am..that's late...but it was fun!!!!

and i...lost my voice...sad!!! =(

results day

2008-07-19T08:17:00.002+08:00

i was so nervous since i wake up..
results is coming out today..
scared le..luckily my results not that bad la..
hahaha..

then the most interesting part of today is..
i went out with sweetheart again..
at 10pm..i ask him out as i really damn sien le..
once he get into the care then he says 'happy birthday'..
haha..yea..is my lunar birthday..
he's just so sweet..then i ask for present..
haha..tak malu one..
he says will prepare it on my birthday on August..
haha...

i love talking to him..
coz always he's the one talking, i'm the one listening..
feel relax when chat with him as really no pressure at all.
he's just so nice..
till i dont really care about my image and all that..
hahaha...

yesterday finally know something about his family.
he's 'guong dong' people..just the same as me..
somemore is from 'pun yu'..haha..exactly the same as me..!!!
he also know something from me...
but he promise to keep it private and confidential..!!
i trust him..he wont betray me..hahahaha...

why i keep on talking bout him ar...
confuse le..
just feel relieve that i found something that can make me a bit relax..
and most importantly..he willing to accompany me..
haha..hope that our friendship wont get into bad situation le..
hope to stay is this situation forever..

till then...have a good day friends...
muacks..

sweetheart

2008-07-15T16:50:00.002+08:00

hey guys,
i need a sweetheart
coz he just came in time
and he knows what i needed most
he accompany me whenever i need someone
he did something that comfort me
he makes me laugh
he makes me understand how life should go on
he makes me feel that life isn't that grey without another person

he help me to pass my time when im boring
he help me to cover my loneliness
he brought happiness to avoid my sadness
he seems to be understand me more than i do
i really treat him as a friend
just a friend that fulfill my need
i love him..
i really do..
but just in the sense of friendship
and i might be relying on him
coz as you all know..
i just cant be that independant that you all see now..
it's a fake cover..that hiding the true self of me..

friend...doesn't mean that i'm not concern bout you all
i know you all are busy
and i also feel bad to find you all so often
yea..i never sound out when im down..
i never sound out coz i really feel a big big gap between you and me..
sometime i'll rather keep quite during our conversation..
coz i feel im far away from you all and i dont know what to say..
maybe that's my problem..
and i need some time to cope with it.
i know it might not be the same as your view..
but i just needed time..
all i need is....time...
thanks a lot friends for all the caring and love for the past..
i love you all lots too..
believe me and give me some time to adapt..
thanks
muacks..

an enjoyable night

2008-07-15T09:37:00.003+08:00

yesterday, means monday,
was really a very very very boring day,
early in the morning,
after having breakfast with my parent and my sister,
we sent my sister to school.
that's around 10 am.

then we went post office,
waiting for my dad to get the dont know what road tax thingy,
i've waited for almost an hour..!
i hate waiting!!
then...suddenly...my mum say, "oh no, my postbox is expired!"
anyone have any idea bout what postbox is that???
suppose is passport!! me and my dad laugh like mad in the post office!
haha...what a funny phrase i got!

then..we went to the immigration to renew my mum's passport..
ok..we waited for another 3 hours!!
oh god...i really really hate waiting!!!
then we went chemor for lunch..
eh..not that delicious as i expected..
then we went back to collect the passport
again waiting!!!!
then we go home..
start to rain around 4 something..
hmm..not heavy..but..makes me feel so so so sleepy..
then..time passes so slow..
i am waiting to meet my sweetheart..
and that 2 hours really passes so so so slow.
hahahaha..

finally, 7 o'clock reach!!!
yippie...going out..!!!
haha..
so i went to fetch him from his house!
the whole journey we're just asking where to go and what to eat..
haha...he never make decision..always ask me to decide..
then..after a long time..we decided to have sushi..
but then..another question pop out..
which sushi king should we go?
the parade one or jusco one??
hahaha...so...after long time again..we decide to go jusco..
kekeke....
then..we talk talk talk talk talk non stop till reaches jusco..
then we got down..
we only share 1 unagi set!!!
i'm sure he's not full..but he's not eating anything else..
haha..pity him..!!!
then we decide to watch movie..
oh goosh...is already 9.10pm..
then..we headed to the cinema and check out what to watch..
around that time, there's only 2 choices,
hell boy or journey to centre of the earth..
then............he chose...the journey..
haha..then wth...such a long time never watch movie in a cinema..
never notice the ticket is so damn expensive already..
luckily not i'm the one paying!!!!=P
the movie was nice!!! great choice!! i love the movie!!!
the movie is only 1 and a half hour..
so the movie ended around 11...
then we went for supper at old town kopitiam nearby..
then..we share a bowl of 'gei si hor fun' and a single peanut butter toast..!
wow..damn full..haha..he never let me not to eat..so sad..!!!
i'm getting fatter already!!!help me!!!

after that i sent him home,
is about 12.30am..
and i reach home by 12.45am..
hoho...my mum was waiting for me..
luckily she never scold me..
is the first time i go out so late with friend..
and is also the first time i'm going out alone with only a guy!!
haha..
thank you sweetheart for everything!!!
had an enjoyable night!!!

it's a sunday

2008-07-13T21:25:00.003+08:00

i didn't update my blog last night
is not because of lazyness
but..i was watching movies with my parents the whole night
haha
and..they're watching horror movie
i was hiding behind my bolster whole night
and about 12am, i beg my sister to go to bed with me
i'm just so scared!
hahaha..ashame to tell that!

i had a dream last night
and when i wake up,
my face was full of tears,
i cant remember a single scene from the dream,
but the only thing i know is...
he was in my dream..!!!

this morning,
my father brought us to Penang,
just for the food
haha
so we went for laksa, pasembur, friend sotong..and lots more
im full today, never ate so full with such a good mood.
i have a happy day!

after back to Ipoh, i online,
yea..i chatted with my sister, carissa
my dear, sook foon,
and my sweetheart, someone i cannot tell
hahaha..
i love chatting with sweetheart..
he's just so sweet, so caring..hopefully i wont fall for him one day..
hahaha..
i'm looking forward to go out with him tomorrow..
hahaha...
dont know how it will be when there's only me and him,
hope there's no 'cold situation' happening!!
haha
till then...good night..
miss sweetheart.....

muacksss

what is friend?

2008-07-11T21:47:00.002+08:00

friends
seems not only i'm the one having problem
the whole gang of us is having problem
the same problem

friends
is someone that understand everything without telling out everything
understanding is a very important ingredient in maintaining our friendship
we were once 7 years old
that is when we start to meet each other
we were once 14 years old
that is when we really get to know each other more in detail
we were once 16 and 17 years old
that is when we hang out all the time and had lots of fun together

we might have some misunderstanding
we might have some communication problem
we might have some argument for some small small matter
we might not syok each other's personality
we might not always be together
as we been together for so long
we know much enough that will lead to some arguments
just because we know too well about each other
that makes us sometimes feel uncomfortable with what we did
as time passes, people tend to change voluntarily or involuntarily
we might not know that we ownself have changed
but those beside us will realise the changes among us
they might not sound out
but this will somehow make them feel uneasy

friends
just as a reminder
we, as best friend, will never keep any unhappiness in our heart
how unhappy we are, in a night, everything will be wipe off
anything happened, anything changed, we're still friend, still the best of my friend
i'm not sure whether you get what i mean
because my blog is kinda messy
got lots that i wanted to say
but i just dont know how to express it out
i hope you all know what i mean
i just..........
praying hard for it that our friendship will never get affected by any other small matter
no matter where we are
no matter who we're with
no matter how we become in the future
no counting on financial status
no counting on position status
we're still the same
we're still the best friend
ever...and ever.

Sian, Shir, Yen, Yin....
you all should know what i'm saying
right?
i just wanted to say....
i love you all
i mean it
i love you all so much!!!!
muacks!!!!

暗恋

2008-07-10T21:04:00.002+08:00

奇怪
怎么突然间回到了暗恋的感觉
还记得以前
每当一见到你, 都会脸红心跳，
昨天, 今天, 一样如此，
到底是怎么回事
虽然只是从远处仰望
但却感觉如此真实
这特别的感觉
应该不会很容易的飘走吧

我恨我自己曾经与你争吵，
我恨我自己曾经为了小事而吃醋，
我恨我自己从不了解你，
我恨我自己从没给过你一丁点的快乐，
但是现在，
我只能爱上这些恨，
因为那是我们唯一的回忆
我们所经历的一切已成了回忆
这些回忆必定是我一生难忘的回忆
谢谢你的大量与你那曾经如此坚定的爱

‘分开是为了等待重逢’
我相信这一句话
我相信，这一次的分开，必定有重逢的一天，
虽然我不懂要等多久，
但我相信并不遥远
问题是，
这是一个值得等待的重逢吗?
重逢的那一天，会是我想象那样吗?
还是完全出乎与我的意料呢?
我很好奇，
但我害怕想象!

这几天，我一直在问我妈，也一直在问我自己，
我的未来到底会是怎么样呢?
为什么我无法想象我自己的未来，
但他却如此确定我的未来是如何?
难道他真的比我还要了解我自己?
以前只会想象与他未来的二人世界，
但他却以我未来为重
可能这会是我愚蠢和幼稚的想法，
但我真的希望他完全不理会我的未来，
只是开心的陪我走过生命中的每一个阶段

这些也只能是我自己的想法，
毕竟已成了定局，
我无法挽回，
也只能珍惜那遥远仰望的时刻

我从未想过，
他能如此的残忍，
说出这么多狠话，
也许他也是为了我好，
也许他有他自己的苦衷，

我相信他，
他不会是那么狠心的人，
他一定会回来的!

很傻吗?
就把它当成我的生活乐趣吧!
在此希望他能实现他的梦想，
而我能得到一个值得等待的重逢!

expectation

2008-07-09T21:43:00.002+08:00

it is all against my expectation
i never expect that i really told out everything i wanted so much to tell
i never expect to see something so unexpectedly
i never expect to hear something so unexpectedly
today is just everything out of my control
everything is all against my expectation
why is it so?
am i the one being blur?
or...
am i the one...i dont know how to say..
and it's just...
i'm just...

i really dont know what am i saying at all
and...all the thing i hope is..
everything will be back to normal by tomorrow

sorry friend that i never contact you much since the holiday starts
you know im what kind of friend
and i think you should know my personality
it may disappoint you
but this is me
and this is how i will be in the future

dont ask me anything about this
i'm just who i am
i want to act as how i wish
and i dont want to be anyone's special or anyone's burden
leave me alone
this will benefit me..and definitely benefit you!

selfishness

2008-07-08T17:49:00.003+08:00

when someone selfish, met with another selfish person,
the output will be a very negative ending

i dont know the selfish one is me or him
i dont care
as i just dont want to care
he's escaping
i'm chasing
and its like
i'm a loser
he's going to be very successful in the future
*that's what i hope he'll turn to in the future*

i'm the stupiest
that only think for my own
that only force something to happen
that only make myself suffer
all the time
not he's the one hurting me
but i'm the one hurting myself
can't deny
i'm stupid!

what more i can say?
the only thing i can say is...i'll be waiting..

*i had a hug..that comfort me..

a smile that melts my heart

2008-07-06T20:26:00.002+08:00

haha..
did i update my blog yesterday?
yes..i think i did..
i'll never forget to express out my happiness and my sadness..
later i'll show you some pictures of yesterday..

let's talk about today..
i woke up around 5..and its SUNDAY!
we went for international run in stadium perak today
wow..amazing..is full of people in the stadium this morning.
and of coz i saw the one that i expected and longing to see..
hahahahaha...i'm happy that he looked, and talked to me
hahahahaha...
ok..calming down..
erm...and then..basically..
i manage to complete my 5km run!!!!!
i can do it man..
after the run, we went for breakfast..
and..he was there..
i saw..and i saw something else that i hate to see..
but..anyway..he made my day bright today..
just a smile..a simple smile that light up my day!!
thank you so much..
and i promised..no matter how you treat me..
i'll never complain anymore as im just no one to you..
but im sure..i wont treat you bad..
i slept for another 4 hours today
i found that im easily tired these few days..
and once i get the chance to take nap..
it'll be more than 3 hours..
oh no..what's happening to me..!!!

i think that's all for today..
and i wont be forgetting the smile..that melts me..
hahahaha...till then..muacks!

hoho...5 of us..i look weird in anyway...

my dearest ngan..backed from UK..and she's extremely sexy!

haha..we took this in the morning 6 something in the stadium, before the run starts..

i love this pic..it looks fake!

this pic was taken this morning after the run...me and yin...

welcome back!

2008-07-05T22:38:00.002+08:00

yeah..
finally they're back.
i love to see all my friends coming back from all over the world..
from UK, from Aus, from...i dont know wherelse..
i just love to see them coming back!!!

NGAN...!!!!!!!!
i miss you for the whole year..!!!
i love you much!!!
happy to see you today..
i just trying so hard to tahan my tears when i hugged you!
i just really miss you so much..!

hmm....FINALLY..
we have the chance to take a wonderful photo with none of our absence..!
i love it..!
i love it..!
although there are 2 not so related ppl..
but they'll soon be related..

ok..i'm down whole day.
sorry to let you all noticed..
i just tired to hide it..
yea..
i'm unhappy..
i never been happy since 4th of december..
i think you all know what date was date..
i never been happy since that day..

one reason is coz..
i'm going to leave soon..
and the soon will be very soon..

another reason..
a secret..
no one knows about that..
i'll keep it between me...and myself..

happy day..but with a down mood..
ends here..

sTraNgeR

2008-07-04T22:58:00.003+08:00

分手后不能做朋友
因为彼此伤害过
不能做敌人
因为彼此深爱过
所以只能说是
最熟悉的陌生人

thanks shir for this mms
i love this phrase
thanks for your comfort
i'm feeling better now

yea..i really cannot stand the feeling of hate
it is just so suffering
i've been selfish..been childish..
shouldn't be treating a friend this way..
i know...i've been the stupiest person for somewhile

i wont be hating you anymore
coz i really cant stand to be hating you
the hate still cannot cover the love inside
you wont be feeling that and you wont be seeing that
i wont be putting hope in our future
but i wont be starting any relationship now
i wont be purposely letting go of you
i wont be purposely forgetting you
thank you for being forgiving
thank you that you never put those word in heart
i really doesnt mean it when i say i hate you
i'm sure you know that
you know that better than me
but then....
we still wont be having a future
i mean..a future together

i wish..you'll have a bright future
get to fulfill your dream
and please do keep the album carefully
thank you so much

.heart.

memories...

2008-07-03T18:31:00.003+08:00

finally, one paper left..
malaysian studies..
i dont think so there's anyone aiming for high score for this particular subject.
all just aiming for a pass..
cheer guys..you all can do it..
hahaha..seems like im the one in trouble for passing this sub..
anyway..i'll just take it easy..
coz...i really dont like HISTORY!!!

so today's paper-Econ
overall..not bad..
i know how to answer
but my answer can help me to score or not is another matter
have to say sorry to mum that i have a feeling that my results for final wont be good
thanks that you never expect high from me!
hahaha

tomorrow after the last paper,
i'll be going back to ipoh again..
sorry friends that i cannot go for that trip..
seems so potong steam..
SORRY!

Sian,
dont feel leftout
im serious
you're always being cared by other but you didn't notice
you're busy with something but you never been leftout
i miss you
i love you

and i CARE you
im not joking

Yen,
i seems chat less with you nowdays
maybe coz my exam
maybe coz your busy
and maybe coz no topic among us
but anyhow
i still love you
and i miss you
muacks!

Yin,
you find me today?
but you never reply me after that..
is there anything i can help?
i miss you the most.
dont only see chyi
see me more
hahaha...love to tease you..
but i know you know i care you lots as well right??
all the best in everything Yin.
muacks.

Shir,
ok..you..
the least i care
haha..
not that i dont care
is a dont have the chance to care
you used to be missing in action
haha
and i dont care
i want to see you this saturday
I DONT CARE!

hmm..suddenly miss last time so much
5 of us..
not including 2 people more..
means...7 of us..
happy time together
hope to be as innocent as last time
when we can be as crazy as we want
and laugh out as loud as we like
IN PUBLIC

seriously...i miss you all damn much
heard ppl says we'll be going through the same thing in 2500 years time
but in different environment
if it is true,
im looking forward to that...
and i really wish to have those happy moments to stay with me all the time.

I LOVE SIAN
I LOVE YIN
I LOVE SHIR
I LOVE YEN
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

econs

2008-07-03T06:08:00.002+08:00

OMG...
cant believe that i couldn't sleep
it is such a weird night that i couldn't sleep at all
as you know..usually..no matter how..i'll still sleep..
but last night i couldn't sleep at all

all those EOS DOS diminishing return pop out my mind whenever i close my eyes
oh god..it is just so terrible...

i manage to sleep around 4am..
thank god..
but the prob is..i woke at 5am..
what the.....
now 6 something
waiting time pass to go coll
scary econs

anyway..i started to feel sleepy now
hopefully i wont fall asleep in the exam hall later..

till then..wish me luck!!!!!

bMa

2008-07-02T16:03:00.001+08:00

today is just so not in mood

my BMA gone

sobx.......

*tomorrow econs..another dying sub...

sIck

2008-07-01T19:54:00.001+08:00

i love to be sick when you're with me

i hate to be sick now when i'm always alone

i.miss.G

daddy's birthday

2008-06-29T18:58:00.002+08:00

i went back to ipoh again
and it's my dad's birthday
27/6
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY

so we went dinner that night
and that's the restaurant
lousy restaurant
no 2nd time for me!!!
haha..
anyway...
i love the cake..
lemon cheese...
fyi..i bought it!!!
hahax...

hmm....
nothing detail to talk about
coz i left early that night
i went out with my friends
haha
such a bad daughter
daddy..i know you'll understand me..!!!

let me show you a photo
one photo is more than enough!!!
coz i look weird that night..!!!

family photo without my sister =(

today...29/7
melissa wong's birthday
Happy Birthday twin,
haha..that's what she used to call me

anyway..im bored of studying
im playing around the whole weekend
and i didn't study anything
haha..great!!!!
final exam tomorrow..
i'll pass that with FLYING COLOURS!!!!!!!!!!!

good luck mates..!!!

better in time

2008-06-29T18:34:00.002+08:00

somehow i can't forget you
after all that we've been through
if you didn't notice you mean everything
i'm learning to love again
all i know is i'll be ok

thought i couldn't live without you
it's going to hurt when it heals too
it'll all get better in time
even though i really love you
i'm gonna smile because i deserve to

if i'm dreamin
i don't want to let it hurt my feelings
but that's the past, i believe it
and i know that time will heal it

since there's no more you and me
this time i let you go
so i can be free
and live my life how it should be

no matter how hard it is
i will be fine without you

jealousy

2008-06-29T00:07:00.002+08:00

jealousy leads to the beginning of hate
i admit..i'm jealous
i jealous he'll find you wont find me
i jealous that he talk to you but never talk to me
i jealous that he treat you a friend but not me
i jealous that he'll say hi and bye to you
but not even look at me
i jealous
I jealous
I JEALOUS

this will be the last time i talk about him
hopefully i can do that
i just want to be your friend
but why is it so hard
i'm just in front of you but you can treat me as invisible
yea..just leave without any sign
okey..im the one thinking too much
i know

i've changed
since the day i met you
i study
coz you
i jog
coz you
i happy
coz you
i unhappy
coz you
i worry
coz you
i care
coz you
everything coz you

i really never realize how mean you can be
i hope i never can see how mean you could be

anyhow..
waiting will be the habit of my life
i'll keep it up
and no one can change my mind

we're just friend

2008-06-28T00:31:00.002+08:00

finally i met him
yea..we had a short conversation
he's just so generous that he willing to accompany me to send my friend home
thanks friend for giving me this chance to have some time with him
very very short conversation
thank you so much that you really take me as your friend
but from what i saw in your eyes
is not just friend
i know you dont want to talk about this matter
i'm glad that i can control myself
i didn't grab you at that moment
sure you'll hate me if i do that
i will never mention this in front of you anymore
thank you for your caring
thank you for everything
i love you, friend

*i promise to wait you
and i really will*

time passed by

2008-06-27T09:02:00.002+08:00

i know its been some time
but there's something in my mind
i haven't been the same
since the day you left
you said you needed time
but all i found was an empty place
the only thing i learnt
is that i needed you desperately

where do broken hearts go?
can they find their way back into love?
if somebody loves you
will they always love you?
i looked into your eyes
and i know
you still cares for me

no matter how i try
you're always on my mind
if you're back here with me
i'll never let you go

absent

2008-06-25T21:42:00.002+08:00

i'm tired with your absence
i'm tired with the absence of my friends
maybe i'm the absentee
but i really cannot bind with this kind of life
i wish i can do something now
to make me more happier
okey..i'm not unhappy
but i'm just...not happy

i wish i can be more selfish
think for myself more than others
i wish time can turn back
turn back to my happiest moment
when is my happiest moment?
that is when my love one is all around me

you choose to leave me when i needed you most
you choose to ignore me when i'm most unhappy
you choose to leave me alone when i'm lonely
you choose a road that i dont hope to take

my future my choice
your future your choice
but my happiness
is your choice
you let go my happiness
and that's the reason i'm in sadness now
i'm not blaming you
i really not blaming you
i respect the choice
i respect you

promises that have made
might not be fulfill
but it will remain in my mind
not to force you to fulfill
but to leave a memory for me

i dont know what happen
i'm just down
okey..i'm free
but no intension to do revision
i want to sleep
but i just woke

if i'm given the choice
(a) sleep forever
(b) face the reality
i'll choose to sleep forever
as i said before
no one in this world is perfectly happy
none of us do
i wish i can sleep forever
need not face the reality
need not worry people know my sadness
need not worry how to make people happy
need not think what is he doing now
you might think i'm wrong
but that is just what i hope

yen and sian
you sure will ask me not to think so much
no worries
i'm not thinking too much
i'm just expressing myself
in a wrong way maybe
but i love you all most

yin and shir
i most seldom contact with both of you
it might be my fault
as everyone of us is busy with our life
but i still miss our life together
i miss you
and i love you

ck..
i know you've leave
yea..
i should accept the fact
and that's the reason i can walk till this stage
thank you for giving me all the sweetest memory
my happiness come from the memory that i have
but i scared it will fade away soon
i'll keep it as hard as i can
i hope i can wait till you come back
i heart you

friend

2008-06-25T20:22:00.003+08:00

everyone is different
from the way they treat people
from the way they wish people to treat him
no one is the same
dont expect everything comes out exactly like what you think

what you see now might not exactly be like what you think
there are a lot of thing behind the scene that you dont know
everything you see now is just a fake outer look
inside will have something that you will never know

when you get the chance to know the inner part of someone
you wont get to know 100% of what it is
you'll definitely know about 10% of it
no one will really tells out their inner heart
im serious

when you know 90% of his heart
dont tell out to him
he'll be upset if he knows you know almost everything of him
everyone have a limit
everyone have different thinking
someone might love to tell out everything
but i can guarantee the everything is not everything
you get what i mean?
no matter how there is still some secret inside
no one knows
someone might dont love to tell at all
no point to force
if you really treat someone good
you wont force him to tell out everything
end up he feel unhappy inside but never tell out

when you treat someone good
you dont expect him to treat you as good as how you treat him
everyone's thinking not same
the definition of good from your point of view is not the sane as from his point of view
he might think that he treat you already hyper good
but you might think that he treat you like nothing
everyone is not the same
so dont mind so much about how people treat you

everyone in the world will change as well
and you cant expect him to change as you wish
he have his own lifestyle
he have his life
he have his friend
you can be a part in his life
but you will never can change his life

last phrase for today's blog
'appreciate other's differences, and others will appreciate yours'

holiday

2008-06-24T21:28:00.002+08:00

hoho...holiday..
soon only..
2 weeks more..
then i'll have my holiday..
eiks..
longing for my holiday..
tired le staying here for so long..
really wanna go back to my hometown..
dont know how am i going to stand when im in aus next year!

im going back to ipoh again this thurs.
ok..no deny that im going back for some reasons.
but i just really wanna go back and leave here.
here seems make me tired..sometimes..
but luckily..there is a friend.
always being there for me.
yea...take care of me very much.
thanks dear..!!!
thank you so much for everything!!!
but dont treat me too good.
i'll feel very very guilty that i never pay out anything for you!

IPOH...!!!!
IM COMING BACK!!
WAIT FOR ME!!!!

leave?

2008-06-23T22:50:00.002+08:00

seriously leaving?
ok..im down..
really joining?
i dont know how i feel now.
confuse?
i dont know im down or what!
seriously dont know!
ok..
i need someone to talk to.
but talk bout what?
there'e nothing to talk about.
im happy that he take me as fren
but what about he's leaving?
im trying hard to let go..
trying hard to take it easy
but..what i do when i get to know.
im down..
yea..im down..
arghhhh..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey...thanks for treating me as friend.
all the best to you.
take care
and do come back for me.
if possible!
i love you

my weekends

2008-06-23T20:56:00.003+08:00

again im not blogging over the weekends..
i really love IPOH lots..
i went back almost every weekend..
and this week will be the second week that i wont be going back to Ipoh.
sad case..

lets see what had happened..

friday night..
i went back to Ipoh.
for my band competition.
i mean....just as an audience.
but i support my band 100 + 100%
seriously....
and..there's another reason why i go for the competition.
i think some of you might know.
keep it private and confidential..haha..!! =P
after the competition..
sian, yen, joyi, my sis n I went yumcha..
at horoscope cafe..
i love the shop..
is full of my favourite - - - PURPLE!!!!
went home around 1a.m.
such a long time never been out till so late..
but sadly he wasn't there.

saturday
early morning.
wake my sis and prepare her to school.
i went breakfast with my mum.
at.....i forgotten..
haha..oh ya..i got back my car..
nice..damn shinny..is looks exactly like a new car..
changed bonnet..changed front light..
repaint a bit bit..and it cost 4000++
wow.....drop glasses...
luckily my mum never scold me..=D
then i went to change my tyre..
again changed 2 front tyre..
exp exp...$$$ flew away.
then went jusco with my mum n sis...
had lunch..ate something fat..later show you in my pics..
later that night went dinner..
where again...??? forgotten..
oh no..i'm getting older and older..
cant even remember where i had dinner..!!!

sunday..
early morning had breakfast.
went to dye my hair..!! violet red..!!!
was shocked by the results..
haha..but..overall..not bad..
a big change..!!!
after that..went lunch..
at...forgotten again..
aiks...then..sad case..
leave from Ipoh to KL..
back to my lonely place lonely life..
reached KL around 5pm..dropped my friends then i went to Sook Foon's house..
first time going there..but i can find the way easily..
told you..im not that DUM!!! XD
after buying things and had dinner..
i went home..
ok..seriously..her house damn big.
haha..and she told me..
her car and the land beside her house..
is she kutip one.
haha..damn funny...lame la you..haha!!!
she teached me the way back to my house..
but i managed to find a cheaper and nearer way..
wakaka..im genius!

monday morning..
eh...feel funny..
people shock a bit bit when saw my hair..
haha..but i love my hair now..!!!!
ok..tomorrow no class..!!!
good news..
but bad news....
i need work super duper hard for my finals..
aiks....
hey guys...good luck and all the best to all of you!!!!
i just wake up..
not long ago..
statement from my mum..
'you and your sis..lazy bump..sleepy head'
haha...funny...never expect that from her
love you lots mum!!!!

erm..think that's all for now..
see ya guys soon..
muacks muacks..!!!

Sook Foon and I..in noodle station i think..

if i'm not mistaken..

during the band competition..who's that beside??

haha...kkj..funny guy..great answer from him when you asked serious question..!

me and my dear sian..ei..seems never take pic with yen..

taa..daa...my school band...first to perform..GREAT!!!

during yum cha..yen, joyi, sian and me..! we chose the right table..is just infront of LEO..that's me...

lunch that i had mentioned. milk and chocolate toast. fattening. but love it! with black glutinous.fattening again. but LOVE it!

pic taken today! nice? my violet red hair..!comment from my sister.."you look like HK ppl"...is there any difference with malaysian?

presentation day

2008-06-18T21:27:00.004+08:00

today i had 2 presentation in a day.

haha..i was so nervous..

until im so cold and was shivering before the presentation..

you know what? i was like going to faint during the presentation..

luckily i still can tahan till the end..

i feel extremely tired after the presentation..

i dont know why..

hahaha..

anyway..although my presentation not the best.

but i do enjoy myself and i spent a special day with my college mate in M floor..

haha..

cannot deny that Melissa Wong really looks nice today...

and i had a nice time with my dear..

she really cares me a lot..thank you dear..!!!

i've not been uploading photos for ages..

let me upload some now...

this is the only group photo we took on YED..

we took this pic in noodle station while celebrating sook foon's birthday..

nick & me..oh no..i look like aunty..!!!

Qi Long and Sook Foon..keke..think of something..

Qi Long and Hanyin..this 3 pics related..something funny happens...

haha...the funnist pic today..those who know...dont laugh la..

this is the board of our presentation..cant see clearly..aiks..

Melissa Chan, Melissa Wong and Sook Foon..nice to have a friend like you all..

our group photo for today....!

haha...there's something i feel like telling...

there is a poor guy...being pulled to take pictures with 3 girls...

haha...funny..funny..i dont know why...

just...*blush*

ei......very paiseh le suddenly take pic..

oh no oh no...

guys...dont treat me like that la..

i cannot tahan one..hahaha...

anyway..thanks guys for giving me a happy time..

haha...

HaPpY BiRtHdAy

2008-06-18T08:43:00.002+08:00

my dearest sian..
happy birthday to you..
your birthday this year meant a lot to me..
coz i have 2 big big presentation today..
i damn scared le...
hahaha..
i scared coz im very very very poor in presentation..
sian sian...wish me luck..as your luck today will be very very good..!!!!

*you are my everything that i wanted
we were meant to be suppose to be but we lost it
i have our memory so close to me but it just fade away..
all the time i am pretending..so much for a happy ending*

i love you yong yong
*this is what she forced me to write..!!!
XD

happy + sad

2008-06-15T16:53:00.003+08:00

first of all..
i want to wish my dear - Sook Foon

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!
actually her birthday was yesterday..
but i never blog yesterday so it became belated wishes...

i had a party last night,
at my friend(Phooi Sian)'s house..
it was an enjoyable night and i had fun with KKJ..
haha...love him damn much..he's just so funny!!!!
besides..i get to spend time with my buddies is the most important thing that night..
thank you guys...for bringing happiness to my life..
love you all lots..
muacks..!!!

last night and this morning..
i did something stupid..
i asked him the same question..
and i get the same answer..

last chance..??? NO WAY..!!!
*im not love you as last time*
*feelings change easily and fast*
*future..no future*
*no..*
*No*
*NO..!!!*
ok..answer and answers..
hurt and hurts..
injury and injuries..
what am i talking about..

*injuries that are hidden, will be the injury that never be cured...*
i just got that hidden injury..
no one notices..
no one sees..
yea..all those hurts..
but..im still waiting..
im waiting..

i think i shouldn't be expressing all these here.
but i got no one to talk to..
i got no one to ask..
i just wish to see him..
i will go wherever he goes..
as my hobby..and to fulfill my dreams..
next saturday suppose is my happiest day..
but i got no chance to have it..
im losing it..

anyway..sad thing..throw away..
*as if i can*
happiness will come to me..
*if there is miracle*

my dear friends...
i love you guys..
muacks..

another new life

2008-06-07T23:35:00.002+08:00

so there is another new life for me..
haha...
and it seems to be a better and happier life..
yea..i choose to let go..
but anyhow..
im still waiting..
*so that doesn't seems to be letting go, right?
ANYTHING LA....DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!

im looking forward the arrival of the 14th of june..
and also the 22nd of june..
14th of june will be the birthday celebration for both my best buddies..
haha..
yin's birthday will be on the 11th of june and sian's birthday will be on the 22nd of june..
haha....yea..really looking forward to that..
as i really hope to enjoy my night with them..
hahaha...
excited le........^_^
and i know 14th of june will be my dear-Sook Foon's birthday..
i wont forget about that dear..
hahaha...

and about 22nd of june..
i wont tell you all anything about that..
it is the most important date in my life..
wont tell all of you and dont ask me about that..
hahahahaha....
syok sendiri here...aiks...

i was sick after the yed..
oh ya...i never mention bout yed also..
nvm la..
none of you interested in it i think..
haha..

okok..that's all..
im just crapping here..
im here to make something that waste ur time..
haha..
wasting your time reading my blog..
haha..
night everyone...!!!

help me!

2008-06-02T19:25:00.002+08:00

water paip opened.
since 5 something.
till now.
how to repair it?
can anyone help me?
is there any plumber out there?
and i think there is only one plumber who can help me.

but that plumber really has leave forever.
he'll never fix my paip again.
he'll never come and help again.
he just left.
yea...he left.
he resigned...he's bored of doing this job.

the main reason..
is with me..
i always spoil my water paip..
i always pressurize the plumber who is so important to me.
i always never appreciate my plumber when he was always there for me.
and now when he's gone, i dont know how to fix tha paip on my own.
i really dont know how.
i couldn't find him back,
coz he really feel frustrated of this job.
and it's all my fault.
i have to blame myself...for making all this happen.

mr. plumber, can you please come back to me?
my water paip need you..most importantly..i need you.
hope that mr.plumber will have a look at this.
mr.plumber. i really do need you. i love you.

i'm down

2008-06-02T17:39:00.002+08:00

does anyone notice that the previous post is a little weird?
especially at the ending..it wasn't type by me!
is that fellow who keep on kacau me..!!
haha..anyway..he's a nice guy..and i promised him to control my voice when i laugh..!!

i've not been updating again for a few days as i really dont have the mood.
so i met with an accident last friday when i was on my way back to Ipoh.
no further info about this.

i saw you that night.
you just caught my sight as usual.
as you know, you are real tall.
i miss you much, do you know?
when i see you, i dont even dare to look at you.
i wish so much that i could see your face and finding the smile that i used to see everyday last time.
how come everything changed to be like that.
you know what i feel, right?
i know what you're thinking.
you just leave me for that stupid reason.
i really really couldn't let go.

i miss everything of us.
i miss the time we're in the same car.
especially when you're driving.
you look super serious, and that is when i feel most bahagia.
although we never talk much.
but i love the way you smile, and the way treat me.
although we always quarrel,
but i got no intention to ruin our relationship.
there is just too many things happening these while.
i wish so much that you could be by my side.
i've been keep holding on.
i'll keep holding on till the end of my life.

can you come back as soon as possible?
can you? i really dont want to be like this anymore.
i just wanna be with you.
anything i can do, i'll do, just to have you with me.
P.L.E.A.S.E come back.

i'll keep holding on.
and when you're back,
i'll never let you go again.

I.L.O.V.E.U

a week after

2008-05-29T07:58:00.003+08:00

i've not been updating my blog as my sister came down to KL with me since last sunday.
so i basically dont have computer to use as she 'rampas' my computer!!!
i have a nice time spending with my sister here.
and i really dont have the time to think of 'something'...
THANK YOU LUI LUI!!!!

let's talk about the whole week briefly..
sunday..
reached kl by 2 somthing..
we went to sunway and my sister beg me for ice skating..
so..we spent 1 and half hour on ice skating..
after that, we went for dinner at Dragon-I..
my favourite place..!! =)
there are photos taken..but will upload in the next blog..!!!
after that..we sent our grandma to Cheras, her friends' house.
she stay overnight there for 2 days.

monday, i went to coll as usual.
my sister stayed at home.
and i was so worried that she's alone.
i called her but she didn't pick up the phone..>_>
and when i got home..i found out that she just woke up..!!
and..rather online than returning my call..!
what kind of sister is this..!!
)=
so i brought her out during my 2 hours break.
then i put her in the comp lab and let her do her homework and online there,
while waiting for my class to end.
after coll, i went to 1 Utama with her.
we bought something..^_^...
and she used up all my cash!
then we went home and had salad that night!

the next day, i go college. and then i blog this.
okay, me wanna go now oh. love love muaks muaks.
bye.
-melissastolemyname-

Ipoh again

2008-05-24T21:02:00.002+08:00

i'm in Ipoh again.
i cant stand not to come back ot Ipoh.
as i really love Ipoh more than anywhere else, except Japan!

i reached home yesterday just before the heavy rain falls.
the rain was horrible and was so windy.
the branches of trees can be seen all over the place, in the midle of the road, after the rain!
i never notice it was so heavy rain when i'm at home that day.
later that night, after sending my sister to tuition, i sent my grandma for some medical thingy.
then i accompany her there, waited for about half an hour, only we realize that lady is not going to come over as her husband was sick.
so we went home.
around 9.30pm, my mum, grandma and me went to fetch my sister.
then we went to the night market.
i miss the night market so much. the place that i always have fun with my friends and my loves one.
i saw him coincidently.
he slim down edi, =( how come never take good care of himself.....

i msg him that night and ask him out the next day.
he said he not sure and he said he'll msg me when he's free tomorrow.
so i spend my whole day today waiting for his msg.
but i didn't get any contact at all.
he broke promises.
you know how it feels when you wait and you get nothing in the end?
i wait wait wait..till evening..i saw him cycling around the housing area.
so basically he is damn free. just he dont want to see me!
ok..coincidently again he passed by my car,he saw me, and i saw him!
i msg him again, as i really dont understand.
i said, how come you break promises, you dont want to see me, at least just tell me that you're not free or what.
why just leave me like that without telling me anything?
and i beg him, i dont want to be like that.
you said you need time..i'll give you time.
give you all the time.
i'm really sorry to make you feel frustrated.
i'm sorry!
i'm really very sorry!
now i think, it might be better if you forget me.
it might be better if you really can swept me off your mind.

if i have a second chance to live, for sure i wont go to the same tuition centre!
for sure i wont let you meet up with me!
for sure i wont let you in love with me!
for sure i wont let you get hurt like now!
for sure i wont let you be sad!
if i have a second chance, i really wont let all this to repeat!

the whole day i'm not in mood.
i just really dont know why!
and i hope everyone can leave me alone!
i just want to be alone!
i want to be ALONE!!!

just to say, I LOVE YOU, forever!

song lyrics

2008-05-22T20:48:00.002+08:00

i just came back after i met with my personal trainee.
owhh..he's cute..i mean not the look..but the way he entertain me.
so he's from east malaysia.
haha..feel bad when i said that can see that he's not local as his english is not the same.
seems like im criticize him..i dont mean that, Norman, okays?

when im on the way home, my mum called.
and i found out another thing that my family did to my mum.
WTH..they way too over..!!!
at the same time, i found out some lyrics that tells out my mind exactly..!

想念是会呼吸的痛　

它活在我身上所有角落

哼你爱的歌会痛　

看你的信会痛　

连沈默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛　

它流在血液中来回滚动

后悔不贴心会痛　

恨不懂你会痛　

想见不能见最痛

我发誓不再说谎了　

多爱你就会抱你多紧的

我的微笑都假了　

灵魂像飘浮著　

你在就好了

so this lyrics describe my feelings at this time.
hmm..i wish you will see this..but you dont know how to read chinese..
thought of translating it into english..
but the meaning doesn't exist that clear if i translate.
so i'll just leave it like this.

have a good night everyone

happy monthlyversary..!!

2008-05-22T08:28:00.003+08:00

today is 22 May..
is my 11th monthlyversary(word created by me!)
i dont have the chance to wish him.
what a sad thing.
i really wish to be with him today.
next month will be ANNIVERSARY!
but i dont have the chance to celebrate.
the relationship edi ended with a full stop.
in my heart..it still'll go on. without any regret..without him by my side.
sounds foolish..but i'll wait for him.

anyone curious about him?
anyone wanna know about him?
i seems never mention about his things since the first blog.
should i describe a little bit of him?
okay..maybe you all dont have the intension to know.
but i'll just describe a bit bit about him.

* he is a ok looking guy(look not so important,right?)
he is tall(this is important)
he is loving and caring(to others i dont know, but to me, he is!)
he'll think for my good
he always ask me to chase for my dream(he knows my dream well)
he made decision for me when i cant make any decision on my own.
he is really good to me and i dont know what more i can tell.

i just know that I LOVE HIM

he wont be coming back for me.
as soon ken says, no one can predict the future.
but..more or less..we know a bit of it.
maybe he will..there's still a possibility..
that's why..i'll wait.
i dont mind waiting.
as when we're together, i wait for his reply.
wait for him back from work.
wait for him back from playing basketball.
wait for him back from yum cha.
wait for him to wake up.
and now..i have to wait for him to come back for dont know how many years.
and maybe im wasting my time but i just want to wait.

haha...craping here as im damn boring!
today will be going to meet my personal trainee(Norman, if im not mistaken)
wakaka...you'll see a fitter me and a slimmer me in few months time!

i never sleep last night.
i think most of them watch football till late night.
but im the one who wake by their screaming.
i could here screaming from the left and right of my condo.
even upstairs and opposite.
wow..seems like the whole blog of my condo is doing the same thing at this late night.
i was so sleepy now..!!!

going to class now.
accounting..BORING!!!
take care..!

mOodY

2008-05-20T18:50:00.002+08:00

as usual i went to school earlier.

and today i was so tired.

i dont know why..i just keep on slept off in class.

i shouldn't be so tired..as yesterday..i slept for dont know how many hours..

is like..from 3pm to 9 pm..then 11pm till 6am this morning..

is like..almost the whole day im sleeping.

sleeping is just the best thing to do when you're in a bad mood.

especially when you have things that keep on pop out in your mind.

and those are the things that you cannt accept and you wish that i wont happen.

there are a lots of thing that are non-predictable.

and there are a lots of things that are out of our control.

and i found out that there is a phrase that is very useful..

that is 'NO MOOD'....

someone told me..

no mood..

and all the responsibility..all the memories..and all the happiness..just push it all away..

and that's the most worst reason i've get.

i really dont get it.

what's the no mood about.

and..i really dont understand..is the no mood got so big influence..?

why is he so not in mood..is it my problem..?

maybe i shouldn't think bout this matter anymore..

but..i really just dont understand..why is it so...

anyway..now i really lost interest in any guys..

and....i dont think i'll bother bout that stuff for quite a time..

i need time..i need long time..hopefully i can put down and let go..

you wont be suffer for long..as i promise myself wont contact you anymore..

wishing you a happy life..

no matter what..you still own a place in my heart...

i feel more and more lonely now.

i've lost everyone..

including my best buddy.

all of them are busy with their own stuff.

and we seldom contact.

im more into myself.

my best buddy is my comp now.

no one else.

love you comp..!!!

*mature doesn't help in anything..!*

tired weekend

2008-05-19T21:56:00.005+08:00

hmm..so i went back to Ipoh last thursday after i received the call..

and i never been free since then..

i went back and went to the funeral centre and stay there for whole day..

and on the saturday..everything was over..

hmm..is tiring..but is a memory...

not to say a sweet memory..but an unforgetable memory..

nothing much to talk about the funeral..

the purpose to blog today is more to express my feelings..

im not in good mood for few days...

one of the reasons was my great grandma..

i miss her..and i feel bad that i never see for the last time before she close her eyes..

im sorry laoma.....

another thing..i found out..

i really dont like that 'aunty'..

she's just so annoying...

and...im not sure whether she treat herself as a him or a her..

she's damn annoying....

ppl asking 3 man to stand in front..

and i really dont understand what's the purpose she's standing in front..

and what she did just never show any respect to the families..

she's way to much to treat our family like that..!!!

i msg him that day..

and....how come a person can change so fast..

no more love and become hate...

how come..from loving..to cool..

is that the way to love someone..

and is that what i deserve...

i thought i can deserve better..but how come this is what i got at last..?
i agree with what he says..

its not end of world without him..

but does he know..the life is suffering..?

from the way he talks..from the way he explain..

does he know it hurts...and does he know........................................

it doesn't matter...

although i cant accept the fact..

but i'll let go..

and..i told him..no need come back to me..

but no matter how long..i'll still wait..

and i believe...he'll be back..

hopefully....

yen..no worry about me..

im ok..im really ok..

everyone also have something that they cant help.

and dont feel bad and sad about that..

it really doesn't matter ok?

i love you yen..

and thank you so much for your concern..

let's see some photos..

it doesn't look nice...

and is randomly uploaded..

this one took the week before...having dinner after jogging..

took this the week before also..and..i looks sleepy...that's how i look like after crying....

we have supper after the funeral..my mum in white and im in red..coz my greatgrandma was 103 years old..

the last day of funeral..breakfast before going out..

last night..having dinner at the restaurant beside 'breeze cafe'..love the toilet..

is air conditioned..and..i love the colour tone...

took this morning..it's wesak day and we went to the temple before i come back to kl..

i like the little buddha..is cute...

the candle..is nice right..? can you spot my name..?

so that's all for tonight...

hopefully i could get into sleep and be alright tomorrow morning..!

good morning

2008-05-15T08:24:00.003+08:00

morning guys..
hmm..its 8.25a.m. and im so boring in college waiting for my 9a.m. class..
today's weather so nice..
and i miss my bed so much..
everyday come to college so early just coz need to find parking..
aiks...stupid parking lot...=(

today is not a nice day..
as my mood is not that good..
early in the morning i saw something i expected which i dont want to see..
just receive a call...from my uncle..
sad news..
not going college tomorrow..
need back to ipoh tonight as something emergency..
*greatgrandma..rest in peace..*

i dont have the mood to blog..
but i got nothing to do as waiting for my programme director to finish her class..
yea..my friends..not to worry me..
i'll be ok..
and my elder sister..dont be down for so long..
you stil have lots of thing to do...

good day friends..
take care

*it suffer the most when i wanted to see but i cant.
it's pain when i heard about you..i miss you..and i cant have you..*

happy day

2008-05-14T21:26:00.003+08:00

finally i got back all my papers..
except Malaysian Studies..
hmm...my results not that good..
but im satisfied..
im just easy to be satisfied..
hahaha..=D

so i went out with my friend today..
he's just so funny..
love hanging out with him..
is just so comfortable and relaxing..
today is my happiest day in KL i think..
yea...it is..
haha..
thank you so much for the cake..and the dinner..

there's nothing much to tell today..
just........
oh ya...wanted to say good luck to my Form 6 friends...
one of them told me the stuff are tough..
and...all the best ya friend..
and no worries..
you all sure can cope with it..
i believe you can..
support you here..
muacks muacks muacks...
love ya guys.....

it's my parents and I in the restaurant before i came back to KL last sunday..!

just showing...nothing much..!

haha..went dinner with him..love talking to him..crap much today..

thank you for the day friend...
enjoy and appreciate much..
looking forward for next saturday..
haha..take care..everyone...

complicated..!

2008-05-12T16:23:00.003+08:00

i've gone back to my hometown for 3 days..

and i got no time at all to update my blog..

there are so many things to talk about..

but i dont think today i got the mood to write all of it..

there's 2 things today..

there's one person..

keep on insulting me and him..

i hate that..

i really hate that..

who the hell he think he is..

can control me?

am i that easy get bullied?

i dont like...i really dont like..

you can choose to insult me..

but not to insult him..

dont try me..!

im a bad tempered person...!

today i get back my bma and econ paper....

aiks...as i expected...disappointing..

i called my mum...

and...while i talk..

tears flow..

haha..dont know why..

feel bad..

oh ya...

one thing..

i grow fat edi..

3 days in Ipoh..

ate up to 6 meals per day..

omg..

just for you information..

i'll not be available for anyone in 8 years..

hopefully is only 5 years..

and i'll be waiting for someone..

someone who i hope will come back to me..

so i think that's all for today..

really blur as fallen sick..

*pity*

slight fever..headache and dont know why the nose feel so numb..

haha...going to sleep soon...

good night everyone...

final day of exam

2008-05-08T21:51:00.002+08:00

today i sat for 2 papers.
econ from 9 to 10..
ms from 4.30 to 5.30
there is a 6 hours break in between..
so after the econ test, me, weijie, fatimah, hanyin and sheena went back to my condo.
weijie slept for very long..others study..while i pack my stuff..as im going back to my lovely hometown again..
hahaha...=P

nothing much to say today actually..

oh ya..i kena my bumper today..
when i come out from the parking lot..
sad...but..most sad is..he is in front of me..
and he is looking at the process how i kena..
and he was looking at smiling..haha..
how embarrass i am..
but he's cute..
really damn cute..

wont hunt for him anymore la.
as i say..have to put aside edi..
so...wishing you..happy everyday la..
and to my readers...you all should be glad now as you all wont have any information about him anymore..
hahaha...i think this matter annoyed you all much la..
haha...so today onwards..
hopefully..my blog wont have 'him' anymore.
hahaha...

so....in ipoh now..
feel so comfortable and so relieve..
dont know why..haha..
miss my sisters so much...

take care evveryone..
good night...

bleeding love

2008-05-07T14:46:00.002+08:00

finally sat for the BMA test..
is not difficult as i expected..
can consider easy too..but whether i can score or not is another problem..
scared of my careless mistakes laa.....

so today saw him la..
but not dare to look at him..also dont know why..
i was in a good mood this morning...
not til my dad call me after the test..

all of a sudden..ask me change course..
medic..?
dentistries..?
can i cope with that..?
can i..?
moreover...studying in kl edi so scary..
how can i study alone in indo..?
should i go over there..?
or should i remain everything the same..?
any comment..??
hmm...really have to consider about it in more detail..

so...i thought im ok with everything..
as if so generous at first..
but when i reach home..
i dont know why..
laying on the bed..thought to get some sleep..
but...end up crying under the blanket..
*cant cry out loud..fatimah is in my house*
what he says might be true..chase for what i dream for and not for future income..
but..no income how to fulfill dream..?
let go....coz no take care..and..should i thank his grandmother for the advise..?

yea...i'll let go..
let go everything..
i mean..love stuff..
more concentrate on studies...chase for my income then only chase for my dream..
that is me..and forever no changes..(hopefully)....

i need jokes...need to laugh out loud..
i need someone to talk to..
but i couldn't find anyone..
i only can write out..hopefully..those who read this..dont get annoyed by me..
i just feel a bit bit lost in my life...at the moment..
will find a way out soon..

take care everyone..
im hereby wishing all of you out there...
forever wont get the chance to feel how the heart bleeds...

relief

2008-05-06T23:28:00.002+08:00

so after a long day of studying..
im ready to die for my BMA..

hmm..i finally got the courage to msg him.
and ask him the thing that i wanted to ask.
and also told him something that i know i shouldn't have tell.
anyway..im glad to know something and i gain something.
something that is more important than relationships....=D

there is a lil secret between me and him.
and i promise no one will know about the secret among us..
although....im down...but....haha..im ok...
*as if you all want to know whether im ok or not..*
=p

ok la...dont know why so sleepy suddenly..
am heading to bed now..
really feel so relief to know everything..
and hopefully i'll have a nice sleep tonight..

good night friends.
thanks for the trust..!

second day of exam

2008-05-06T17:59:00.002+08:00

we had accounting test today..
the first time i have accounting..
hmm..i dont know la..
i know how to do..
but after do feel something not right..
but i cant figure out what i did wrongly...
so i just let it be..and try to work hard for the final sem la..

today we're in different sitting position..
sadly..he sit behind me..
i cant see him during the exam..
but before entering the exam hall..
i did smile to him..haha...luckily im not that silly as yesterday..
he's still that cute and lovely..
i cant stop looking at him..
although always say wanna stop hunting for him..
but everywhere i go..i also hoping to meet him coincidently..
everytime i get is disappointment..
its ok..at least there is a hope and i enjoy the moment of expecting..
seems so crazy..but i should enjoy the process right?
although at the end i cant get anything from him...
at least i get the sweetest moment among me and myself..
haha...

maybe..someone told me something is true..
love isn't to have it..is to appreciate..
and i appreciate hunting him secretely..and not having him..
haha...im satiesfied with it..haha..
suddenly today like satisfied with so many things..
im that cheerful...haha..berlagak sangat..

so that's all la..today got no mood to wait the comp to upload photo..
will upload some nice one next time..
see ya everyone...
and wish me luck in Business Maths test tomorrow..!
=P

exam day

2008-05-05T18:08:00.006+08:00

so today is the first day of exam.
ECSF01..not that difficult..but not sure whether i can score anot..!
=D

since last night was so moody, i didn't really prepare for my exams.
and this morning..my eyes was like so so so 'bengkak'..haha...
luckily it disappear before i reach college..

before the exam, i saw him.

he was just standing in front of me.
i mean..opposite of me..haha..
is kinda sad to see him as he keep on looking at another one.
i know i got no right to have any response seeing him look at anyone..
but, you know, just....sad..! =(
when i look at him, he did look at me..but naturally..i dont dare to look..and i turn away..
this is the most silly thing i did..
i should just smile to him like nothing happen..
aiks...stupid me..

ok..in the exam hall..
i almost cant concentrate..
as what i see in the hall..
is HIM..he sit in front of me..again..
but i dont know he realize im there anot..
i bet he dont..
and i saw him..looking at..another..
and that another..looking at him..aiks..

exams ends at 10a.m.
i send hanyin to the nearest bus stop..and send weijie back home..
i went to 1utama with sheena and fatimah..for breakfast+lunch..
is the first time i go out with sheena actually..
we walked round and round in 1utama searching for food..
and you guess what...we had KFC at last..nothing special..aiks..=.=

after meal, we went to sheena's house for revising.
and you know what..i slept there..i never study anything..coz the weather is too hot..
and it makes me feel sleepy..
then...i told my fren through sms about a big big secret of mine..but i wont tell you what..
and..it took me so long to consider whether i should tell her or not..as i scared she cant accept..
at last..i told her..and as what i expected..she cant really accept.
and i feel so so so so bad..that i regret telling her at first..
then..when she called me..and i cried..just dont know why...i cried..
i hardly could answer her...i just...uhmm..oh...

anyway...thanks a lot friend..thanks for being supportive and....I LOVE YOU..!!!

one more thing..i propose to him again...

but i failed..this will be the last time..and i'll set him free..

so..many things did happen these few days..

and i've been cannot sleep for few days..

i'm becoming a panda..and my eye bags are dark and heavy..

hopefully i can let down everything and had a good night tonight..

as i promise i'll upload some of the photo next time right.....

i'll upload some today..

hopefully can upload it successfully...

ok..this is how i look like last year..

and this is how i look like when im form 4..

and i took this last thursday..when i went grocery shopping with my uncle..

was attending dinner on behalf of my parents..was sleepy..

took this years ago..three sisters..

my youngest sister..forever capturing herself..

this is what they do when someone capture them while they were jogging...haha..

fatimah and weijie during econ lecture..that fellow sleeping huh..??!!!!

so i think that's all for today..

hope you enjoy my photos..

see you all tomorrow then..

good night..^.^

saaad

2008-05-04T19:58:00.002+08:00

so now i know..
he really likes someone..
i hate my six sense..
always that accurate..
what can i do now..
i have to walk out from this..
i have to forget bout this..
i don't want to go the same hall as him..
i don't wish to go lecture..
i don't wish to get any chance to look at him..
i wish i wont fall..for him..anymore..
now really wishing them..happy ever after..
with my sincere heart..
i know im not that deeply in love..
but seriously..it hurts..
anyway..
by this time..i should get use to it..
coz..is not the first time being like this..
i hope that i wont have the 'love' stuff appear in my life..
and...i hate to fall in love..

a new start

2008-05-04T07:31:00.002+08:00

what i mean by a new start..?
i never realize all my friends using the same website to blog.
so..i decided to give up my old blog and start a new one here.
thanks to yen..that gave me the strong feeling to start a blog here.
haha...=D

hey yen..remember to check my blog constantly, i'll upload most of your old pics here...day by day.. =P

since is the first time i blog here.
let me intro myself.
im 18 and currently studying in TBS with a whole new kind of life.
er.....nothing special to talk about..let's move on to my friends part.

anyone curious who is yen?
let me show you some pictures.

let see..

this is sian..
the lovely and adorable sian..
she's always cute and sweet..

yin ar yin..
she is the one whom i love to take care most.
haha..love ya lots yin.

here comes yen..

a year ago..took this when we're having tuition..
haha..good memory..

and this is shirley.

how come she forever looks so nice..?
haha..miss you lots shir..

ok..that's all i have..
actually there are lots more..
but my stupid phone don't know what happen can't upload any of the photo.
aiks....=(
anyone wanna see my family...??
thought of upload some of my family member's photo..
don't know why again can't upload.
i'll save it for next time then.
hahaha...=P

oh no..tomorrow is my mid sem test.
i haven't study yet..*gosh*..

today get some news that is unbelievable..
and unexpected..
some are from the family about my family..
some from the blog.
hmm..so..finally i know..
he likes someone.
really curious to know.
but how to know..couldn't i go ask him.
its way to obvious.
although posting this also already obvious.
but he wont see this i think.
if he sees..he also wont know im mentioning him.
haha...so..here wishing him.
good luck and may have a happy future with her.
hmm...as if i know that her..haha..=D

that all for today..
going to study now.

*here by wishing TBS March intake students...
good luck and all the best*

***oh ya oh ya..you know what..

i'll be having test in the same hall with him for 4 days.

haha..normally i only get the chance to meet him in lecture hall.

hardly meet..coz not everyday have lecture.

now i get to be with him for 4 days in the same hall..hoho..happy..^.^